12/14/16 Nap? What Nap?

I tried to take a nap, knowing that if I did it would be all the sleep I would get. I tried twice. No go! The first time I laid in the bed for about an hour. No luck. I got up. The second time, I slept for about 20 minutes and when I sprang awake, I felt like it was morning. I was ready for some coffee. I knew better, as it was only 8:00PM. I may as well have had some coffee. I have been awake all night, as restless as a tiger in a small cage, pacing back and forth. No sleep for me.

I will get sleepy about 5:30 this morning, I always do, and maybe sleep until about 6:30 or 7:00. I will be glad to get it when I do. In the meantime, I am wide awake, though exhausted.

The rage has gone, though. I am thankful for that.

When I say that this blog is cathartic, I am not kidding. Angst, rage, fury, and the similarity of a sailing ship being caught in the tropical doldrums just get nudged aside by a fresh temperate breeze. While exhausted, I feel much better. Thank you for your indulgence.

I suppose trying my best to keep a stiff upper lip for eight years wears thin from time o time. Usually, I just mope about a bit until my blues pass, saying nothing. I was unable to resist this time. I know it will pass, though. It will indeed pass, as it already has.

In this period of no sleep, I have managed to get some work done, though my focus is less than desirable. Right now, I am missing my focus. Have you seen it? It is no doubt roaming about unaccompanied. I usually keep pretty close tabs on it, and it manages to behave, unlike my cynicism, which escapes frequently and must be corralled and forced back into its paddock lest it cause much damage.

I think I’d rather have the cynicism.

Maybe I’ll play a tune or two on my guitar: a blues tune.

Maybe I’ll get out the round-neck resonator and a slide and just play my blues away.

Maybe I’ll get out a banjo. I don’t actually have to get one out since there is one within easy reach.

Maybe I’ll do nothing but finish this brief blog post and then continue on the with the work I was doing.

Maybe I’m looking for the whirlwind and the fire, unable to hear the still small voice.

Who knows?

It’s 4:00AM. It’s been a long three days, and longer three nights. I just need some rest.

For the life of me, I cannot think of anything funny to write about. I wish I could as I’d rather entertain you than bore you. No luck. You are not entertained, nor am I.

I am thankful for what I have. I am particularly thankful for the close friends who sent me a message, just that they were thinking of me.

I am also thankful for the wonderful woman I am married to.

©2016 Mississippi Chris Sharp

2 thoughts on “12/14/16 Nap? What Nap?

  1. I don’t have any of your problems, but I do have a problem with sleep, sometimes it just won’t happen. On that, I can sympathize with you. One night with no sleep, I am miserable & everybody around me is also. I do enjoy reading this, otherwise I would not know what the chemo was doing, & I wouldn’t know how to pray. You give one a lot to pray about!

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